Can Leaders Be Friends With Their Staff?

This is a great question that is always being asked. Can members of the leadership team be friends with those they lead?

There are two schools of thought on this, and today I want to explore these and give you my take.

Those schools of thought say either: yes or no. I would like to think it is yes AND no (at least a little no).


School #1: No, leaders cannot be friends with their staff. This philosophy is predominately found in leadership text books or biographies from the corporate world.

The thinking is that a leader will be soft on discipline with his friends. Or, he'll turn a blind eye to the shortcomings of his friends on staff.

It is a valid point that can be witnessed all too often in the workplace. If a leader hires a buddy, the friend typically gets preferential treatment to the detriment of the company and the rest of the staff. Hence, the rule that you should never hire close friends.

This school of thought also says that when leaders are promoted from staff into leadership, they need to cut ties with the friends they had from the staff. Otherwise, they risk that whole preferential treatment thing.

The negative side to this way of leading is that you force yourself to keep everyone at arms length, and you don't develop relationships with the people you work with each day.

School #2: Yes, leaders can be friends with their staff. The rationale here is simple: If I like the people I work with, or who work for me, there is no reason we shouldn't be friends.

That makes perfect sense. After all, if a staff is friendly toward each other, office harmony is strong, and conflict is at a minimum.

The only real trouble here is when problems arise with one of the team members. It can be a challenge to discipline a friend.

My School of Thought: I think the best way to lead a staff is a mixture of the two schools of thought. I want to lead and work in a place where we are all friends. When we are friends, we can openly and honestly discuss the issues the company faces without taking it personally. If we don't have an established relationship, it becomes easy to overreact when a staff member carries out the team plan incorrectly.

Now, I'm not a big fan of bringing personal friends on staff. There are two primary reasons I oppose hiring your best friend.

First, the temptation to bring your buddy on board often overlooks glaring deficiencies that friend has for the position. It also causes the leader to pass on very qualified candidates.

Second, inevitably, something will go wrong. When it does, not only will you lose an employee, but you will also lose a friend -- or at least have a strained relationship.

But, what about the existing staff? A good leader has to make it clear what the boundaries are for the workplace, even for friends. And, when someone violates one of those boundaries, the leader needs to be quick to respond.

What are your thoughts on this subject?