Dating is for Grownups

My wife and I have known each other for roughly 17 years (married for 14), and the other night she asked a question that both hit home and opened up a thought process that I think would be helpful for other couples.

You see, in our 14 years of marriage, we went through a long period of time of raising the kids, and that took time away from date opportunities. She simply asked how that could happen. In the course of our conversation, we realized that we both know couples who have done the same thing - given up the date scene to raise the kids.

It's all too easy to slip into a life pattern that ends up slowing eroding your marriage. When you're are persuing that person of your dreams (and even for a while after marriage), dating is a common part of the relationship. Without anything to tie you down, you are free to head to the movies, go to non-fast food restaurants, take vacation trips, etc. You do all these things in order to grow close to one another and get to know each other better.

But, over time something happens for many couples. You have children. As parents, your new responsibilities dictate that you spend time raising your children. So far, nothing wrong. You're doing what any responsible couple would do. When they're little, you don't really feel comfortable leaving them with a sitter. As they get older, their activities take up the calendar. Then, when opportunities do arise to begin dating, the bank account or that calendar says you can't.

As time passes, stuff happens to us as individuals that gradually changes who we are, how we perceive life, and what we believe. Without marriage dates, the husband and wife may continue to work toward the common goal of raising their kids, but will actually be working their way apart.

Picture it this way. You're doing the right thing in raising your kids, but have given up dates. A few years past, and then one day you wake up and realize the person you're married to isn't the person you married. They've changed. You've changed. And, that person you woke up next to is now a stranger. Untreated, it becomes all to easy to separate and eventually divorce.

This is why dating during marriage is so important. So much life changing stuff can happen to couples in such a short time that without that constant, private time, husbands and wives lose contact with who each other is. The clock is ticking on your marriage. Be sure to use your time wisely, and be sure to find a sitter and schedule some regular dates with your spouse. There are no excuses allowed when you're trying to save your marriage.