My Battle With Pride

I've become a very honest person with myself lately. Circumstances going on in my personal life have forced me to face some hard facts about who I am. One of the personal issues that I am facing is pride.

You see, I hate to admit when I'm wrong. I always like to be right. But, I've discovered, sometimes in difficult ways, that I'm right probably 50% of the time. The rest of the time I blow it. And that does weird things to a guy who also works in broadcasting.

That's because the number one issue with radio people is ego. We all have one, but for broadcasters, we're constantly getting our egos stroked by fans. And, we get to liking it, which only pushes the pride problem to new levels.

For the last couple of years I have been making plans for the future, and doing what I believed was what God wanted. Unfortunately for me, I made two critical errors in thinking. First, I assumed what God wanted. I didn't actually ask Him. I played connect-the-dots, and assumed I was supposed to do something right now. It turns out that I am not supposed to do that thing. Making it more difficult was that I let my pride get in the way of what were clear signs telling me "not right now."

Why did I keep going in that direction? Good question. I had told several people about the ministry decision I thought I was supposed to be doing, and had even had some folks send money (unsolicited). I used that and a few other events as justification to prove my argument. Meanwhile, God was over on the side whistling to get my attention, but I wasn't listening.

The other issue I've been dealing with is the realization that this dream of mine had become more about me over the last two years than it was about God. I found my pride wanting the personal success more than I wanted God's success.

Oh, don't get me wrong. If you talked to me, I'm sure I sold you on it all. I had convinced myself of it, too. Yep, I convinced myself that I was right and anyone saying the contrary was wrong.

Unfortunately for me, it took a series of rather painful, humbling events to open my eyes to the truth that I had let pride get in the way of God. Fortunately, I'm now on the path to recovery. But, there has been some damage. Some relationships have been strained, and must be repaired. Additionally, my focus had become so intense on my success that I lost sight of my passion for God's heart. I now have to rediscover that.

"Though the Lord is great, he cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud." - Psalm 138:6